


jealous.

by toffeelemon



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Dramatic Monologue, Drunk Kissing, Hurt feelings, M/M, Non AU, Ruined Friendship, Tyler's pov, Unrequited Love, first person POV, too real lmao, tronnor are exes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 11:04:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10570005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toffeelemon/pseuds/toffeelemon
Summary: Drunk kissing someone else to make your ex jealous, we've all done it.How about being kissed by the love of your life, who couldn't care less as long as he's pissing his ex off?Your lips are on mine and it hurts like hell.





	

**Author's Note:**

> old fic repost after two whole years of the fandom's death! :D Please excuse sentimentally treasured fetus writing, especially invasive real people fiction ._. i apologise to tyler, troye and connor i was only taking out my own teenage angst on them :3

Tyler's POV

Troye was glancing at Connor again, for the thirteenth time tonight. Yes, I was such a sorry being that I have actually kept count. I was just so worried to see my good friend having his heart broken. Good friend. It felt so weird even just mentally repeating the phrase, as if a dull poke in my heart, reminding me what we aren't anymore. I know that I should be grateful that we could still even remain friends after all that went down nearly two years ago, although undoubtedly I still kinda like Troye. Okay maybe a bit more than just "liking" him. What was between us, it couldn't even qualify as a real relationship. I knew too clearly that it couldn't end well, since it was Troye's first serious relationship and those seldom end with a happily ever after. Nonetheless I lost my head in the game. Look at Connor there, so carefree, laughing and drinking and lightly flirting with the table of Hollywood's most eligible jocks. We were all in his position once. How I missed enjoying myself in the club...Actually scrap that, I won't even ask for that much. As long as Troye was happy, it was already enough. Only the sight of the person you love suffering could be more heart wrenching than seeing him have fun without you. I knew all too well what Troye is going through right now. Troye was Connor's first real relationship, like I was Troye's. After Connor came out, there was too much out in the pretty world for him to enjoy that he had forgotten who brought him here. Us, especially Troye. However, to Connor the beautiful blue-eyed boy was just an experiment. Just like I was Troye's. Connor thought he was doing me a favour too, when he broke up with Troye, always winking at me before he left the two of us, making opportunities for us to get back together. Little did he know I was already in too deep to care about my own happiness, preferring to see Tronnor together rather than Troye being so broken.

Someone nudged my foot harshly under the table. I broke the solemn trance I was in, glancing up to see a distressed Korey urging me to break the tense and depressing atmosphere. We exchanged a silent argument with mere looks and wiggling eyebrows, and it ended with an exasperated, bitter laugh elicted from me. The four of us were so pathetic, we had planned to come out for a good time, loosen up, especially to prove that Connor and Troye were still fine as friends. Now instead we were in this sad cycle, a string of eyes as Korey watched me watching Troye, whose eyes were fixed on his ex boyfriend, the only person who fulfilled our purpose in coming to this bar. The worst thing was, I couldn't even blame anyone for the night to turn out like this. I couldn't possibly blame Connor, not only he was still my friend, but also I couldn't bring myself to accuse him for going through that common juvenile phase of fooling around with boys. Trust me, I had it way worse back then. Would I ever blame Troye for being so invested and not being able to get over Connor? Not in a billion years. I could never blame precious little Troye when he was so shattered, so vulnerable and just so sad. His happiness equates to mine. Even if I put my infatuation aside and try to speak unbiasedly, Troye had all the right to be so affected by his ex's nonchalance, because I have been in those shoes. I couldn't possibly expect him to be over Connor within two months when after two years, my heart still aches right now, witnessing the boy I love so much hurting over another man. The thought that he was in as much pain as I did brought me mixed feelings, a combined urge to hug and nurture him but also a small, twisted part of me believed that this was karma.

The silence broke as Korey sighed defeatedly. "I'm gonna go check that hot bartender out so yeah," he muttered the excuse before hastily leaving our table, shooting me a look. I understood the subtext: "I am not gonna waste my night just because of this stupid shit you guys have on", and nodded as a permission to let Korey run along and enjoy himself like he deserved. I turned my head towards Troye, whose eyes were still fleeting around the dark room, his slender fingers distractedly fiddling with the empty glass. "Troye... Troye!" I snapped my fingers in front of his dazed eyes, attempting to catch his attention. He whipped his head back towards me, an apologetic smile sprawled over his face. Troye then tried to make it up to me by starting a small conversation, even cracking up occasionally, however the smile never reached the blue skies in his eyes.

Although Troye still had Connor in the back of his mind, he opened up more now that the alcohol is kicking in. Drunk Troye is not a pretty sight, a mixture of being sad, angry, expressive, and extremely insensibly touchy feely. As the night progressed his lanky arm had came to wrap around my smaller frame as he occasionally leaned in and wailed complaints about how he was abandoned by his ex. I gave up on drinking as soon as the distance between us was nonexistent, worried that both of us being intoxicated was probably a very bad idea. The long forgotten sensation that came along with Troye's touch was both foreign and familiar, like a greeting from an old friend. Sure, I was very affected by the proximity, however I'm even more heartbroken to be reminded by the boy in my arms, his breath mixed with alcohol and his lips calling out another man's name, that he was not mines anymore. Now he was just a friend in need. I cooed the big drunk baby who was half slumped into my lap, whispering soothing words and patting his flat brown curls. He flashed me an adorable sleepy smile in gratitude, and I tugged my lips slightly in return, wordlessly continuing to softly massage his head. Suddenly Troye grabbed my hand, and I froze, oblivious as to what was happening. He clutched my hand in his as he heaved himself up to sit straighter. Worried that he was sick or something, I watched him intently as he pulled me closer, almost making me lose balance.

"Hey Tilly," Troye giggled and breathed out my name drunkenly once his eyes were level with mines. The endearing nickname that hadn't been used for a while brought a nice ring to my ears, making me feel fuzzy and warm without downing another shot. His slender fingers were intertwining with mines now, the other hand flying up to mess with my hair. "I miss your purple hair," his pouty lips were so close to my face that I only have to lean in so slightly... I restrained myself from the thought, not wanting to take advantage of one of my best friends. I gulped nervously as his hazy sapphire eyes met mines again, invading more of my personal space than I thought was possible. I didn't even notice when his hands found their way to grip on either of my shoulders, restricting me from escaping Troye's grasp. I know this shouldn't feel right, but everything in the world was drown out by Troye. Instead of being aware of the crowd around us, or hearing the loud bass blasted in the background, I was hypersensitive of the air between the two of us, his fingers just so lightly pressing into my biceps, my own breathing faltering despite my efforts to stay calm. He batted his eyelashes and stared at me intently, a loop sided grin plastered on his face. I could almost fool myself into thinking he still wanted me as his body was inching mines ever so slowly.

There was no doubt that Troye was leaning into me now, for whatever reason, and I had no intentions to stop him either. Although I was much more sober than him, I was too drunk on his presence alone to care, my mind off in a faraway place where scenes of our first date replayed. However I was forced to break out of my trance, too aware of my lips millimetres away from his. Troye suddenly whipped his head sideways, and for a second I feared that he wanted to back out of this, whatever it was. What happened next was worst than anything that I would've expected. The drunk demeanour was back as his fleeting eyes searched around the room for that one person. Troye yelled unusually loud, startling me who was still trapped in his hold. "Fuck you Connor Franta!" and as soon as Connor's attention was caught on us, Troye cupped my face in his large hands and smashed his lips into mine.

I missed the feeling of his body, joining with mines so naturally, even only in this innocent sense. It was like coming home after a long journey, our bodies already so accustomed to each other's. However after the initial shock, the realisation kicked in. Troye was using me, to prove himself to Connor. It would've hurt less if he was just drunk, or even using me as a distraction to dull the pain, but no. The only reason that I have the chance to revisit that burning sensation pulsing through my veins was due to another man. However I couldn't will myself to hate Troye, or to even pull away from this. It was infuriating, like being addicted to a drug that you knew very well to stay clear of, yet I am too weak to deny every little dose being offered to me. Staying limp in his arms, unable to escape as we lock lips, there was nothing that I could do except for letting all my hurt seep into the kiss. Troye's touch is still as captivating as it always was, if not even more alluring, after being derived of it for months. It was very difficult to focus on my grief and anger when there were more distracting things happening, to be exact none other but the slightest tug at my lips. Also the way he never kisses sloppily, instead placing light butterfly kisses on every corner of my mouth, not really pulling away in between, his lips teasingly resting on mines before applying pressure again. Trying to get away from this toxic kiss was like running away from home, the place where I was most comfortable at and where I truly belong. I didn't even realise that agitated tears were starting to form in the corner of my eyes until Troye pulled away and forced me to open my eyes, my vision blurred by tear-stained lenses.

"Troye was probably too drunk to notice," I thought to myself as a hand rapidly flew up to clear the evidence of my broken heart. He really didn't, and I was torn between being relieved and being disappointed. Troye's mind was still set on Connor, who seemed not to bother at all as he laughed at some joke this ripped blonde guy has said. Troye's own tears were beginning to spill now, and all of my sorrow was instantly forgotten. Troye needed me. Giving him a little encouraging smile, I gently asked him should we go back to his apartment. He gladly obliged.

The taxi ride was eerily silent, both of us caught in our own thoughts, both of us having our hearts broken tonight. By the time we reached Troye's apartment, I was completely sober and dragging a limp Troye on the steps with some difficulty. Not only I drank half as much as he did tonight, I was also much better than him at holding my liquor so it had grown into a habit to keep his spare keys for common situations like this. Troye's lanky frame was sprawled across my shoulders as I managed to open the door to the comfort of his apartment. Sighing as I finally dropped the unresponsive form into the sofa, I took a turn around the apartment that I haven't set foot in for quite a long time. I vaguely recall the familiar set up from sleepovers nearly a year ago, and smiled fondly at the candle on the windowsill, the one that I casually gifted Troye after he had gushed over the candles in my apartment at one occasion. I was interrupted by a groan sourcing from the lump on the sofa. I chuckled humourlessly at myself, and went into the kitchen for a glass of water that would hopefully sober Troye up. He unwillingly lifted his face up from the soft cushions upon hearing me repeatedly calling his name. Troye clambered up with the help of the armrest and eagerly gulped down the drink once I handed him the glass. A sigh of satisfaction was let out as the glass was emptied and he shook his head, as if trying to shake some sense into it. "Thanks Ty," he whispered tiredly after setting the glass down and his head leaned into the edge of the sofa. Gingerly I reached out a thumb to wipe at the tear stains on his face, propping myself up in my cross-legged position once I caught his attention, wordlessly hoaxing him to talk about his emotions. Troye sighed and broke into new tears again, although this time it was silent and gentle, as if his energy was already drained from crying. "It just hurts so much," he breathed out as his eyes were fixated on the ceiling. "I know," Troye just laughed bitterly at my short response, little did he know the truth in my words.

"It's just; after all this time it had mattered so much more to you than to him," I hesitantly spoke up after a long silence. "It's just not fair," I hurriedly wiped my eyes dry before tears could fall, willing myself to stop this, although I kept on rambling. "Should've known it wouldn't last, that's how everyone is when they just came out. Can you believe that it had meant nothing to him?" I was starting to direct my words to Troye, which did not help at all as he sobbed into his dainty fingers. I took a deep breath as a clenched my fists, composing myself. I shouldn't be this selfish, I was hurting Troye. I ran my hands along his shaking form as I begin to talk more like a friend should do.

"You're right, fuck Connor," I yelled energetically across the room, attempting to cheer him up. "You don't deserve someone like him anyway," right, you deserved someone like me. Of course, I didn't say that aloud, continuing to squeeze his shoulders encouragingly instead. Soon enough his sobs were stifled and replaced by the odd whimper every now and then, his heaving calming down. A warm smile settled on my face as soon as Troye turned to face me, as if attentively saying "Yes Troye?"

"You're right, I don't deserve him," he sniffled before tiredly slipping into a reclining position, his back on the sofa, legs dangling off the edge, his head landing on my lap to stare back at me. I let him, looking back at his puffy eyes as I ruffled his hair slightly. "Thanks Tilly, you're always here for me," Troye finally broke into a small smile, the first one I've seen recently. At least the first one that was genuine, those that when he shows his teeth. I shrugged, silently telling him it's okay as I continued to stare as his face endearingly. Funny how we got here after all those years. From back when he was still a cheeky little shit, tagging me and I noticed him for the first time. Then we dated and it was heaven. Then it was over and my skies were grey ever since. The worst was when I had to pretend to be happy for Troye and Connor. Yet here he was, back in my arms once again. I stared at him in awe, not believing his presence.

Troye's face is still delicate as if carved by the gods, however it was wiped of that childlike aura as he grew up through the years. His cheekbones are more defined now, giving him a sharper, edgy look that all the fashion brands are obsessed with. Well, and me too. I realised that I no longer see him as a boy anymore, but now a man, and I am still in love with him. However Troye could never reciprocate these feelings. Maybe he did before, in the heat of the moment, but it was just a crush, nothing more.

Troye reached out a finger to smooth out the creases between my eyebrows, confused as to why I was frowning. "Tyler why are you upset?" His own Connor-related concerns were replaced with me-related ones and I didn't know should I love or hate this little munchkin. After all, he is a caring and sweet person, even as a friend, but what timing is this? I wailed my arms around exasperatedly as I muttered useless excuses against Troye's determined pestering. What else was I supposed to do? Tell my ex who just broke up with his ex that I am still helplessly in love with him?

"Tilly! Tilly...shh," Troye comforted me in confusion as I seemingly broke down with no apparent reason. To be honest I didn't know why I started crying as well, I just hated being under this much stress. Troye sat back up now, still trying to stop my waterfall of tears as he caressed my face, fluffed up my hair, getting all of his tricks out of the bag. As he started singing softly to me, I couldn't hold it back anymore and broke into an ugly sob. Don't fucking sing and be so sweet to me, if I could never have you! Troye was startled by my outburst, but still wouldn't back down. He slowly eased me to lie on my side, before joining me. We both lay on the sofa, facing each other, as I continued to sob whilst Troye watched me in worry. At one point he reached up and pulled off my glasses, which were ruined by my overflowing tears by now. The action surprised me and managed to shut me up for a bit. "Better now?" He tried, but I just shook my head as the tears just wouldn't stop. An arm flew up to my side, rubbing my back soothingly as he looked at me hopefully. "How about now?" I just bit my lip, unsure how to respond, since I knew Troye would never let it go without ending my misery, no matter how I reassure him. My misery obviously wasn't going to end anytime soon, so I just let him go on with his failed attempts.

Troye grinned and his eyes glinted as he came up with an idea. "Does this," he placed a feather light kiss on my temple, "make you," another one on the corner of my eye, "feel better?" He giggled and smiled into the kiss that was directed to my cheek, loving how he was able to make me tense and distracted from crying. I just right back stared at him, pleading him to stop. Troye probably saw it as a perfect opportunity to get back at me from tiggling him all the time, attacking me with kisses all across my blushing face. I was conflicted; every tiny kiss on my nose, my jaw, and even one so teasingly near my actual lips, were a jab to my heart. Nonetheless, I didn't want it to ever end.

Troye kissed me again on the lips for the second time tonight. However this time it was short and sweet, I could even feel the corners of his mouth twitching upwards to supress a smile. "There, do you feel better yet?" He flashed his teeth at me like a ray of sunshine, almost too much light that it blinded me. I really couldn't do this anymore, fresh tears flowing freely down my face. "What?" He whispered, and only then I knew I had said that out loud. I sat up abruptly, leaving a disorientated Troye still sprawled on his sofa. "You cannot do this to me Troye," I was struggling to make my way through his living room as I blurted out things that I shouldn't have. "You can't keep acting like you still love me, when you clearly said you didn't anymore!" I hurriedly close the door to his apartment, but not before catching a look of realisation dawning on Troye. As soon I was outside the building, I slumped onto the steps, and cried and cried and cried, my throat hurting, however it was nothing compared to the heart wrenching fact that I couldn't even be Troye's friend anymore, because I was so foolish. Our friendship is over. I don't even have an excuse to be near him anymore.

I hope Korey still managed to have a good time.


End file.
